Six degrees of separation

The next time Desi Brigit Jones meets a married man who is making the moves on her, with the disclaimer that he’s separated, she’ll ask him: “What degree”.

 Yes indeed, there are 6 degrees of separation depending on the age group the man is in. In my experience, usually the so called separation is only in the man’s head.  The poor wife in question hasn’t a clue that she is now officially ‘separated’ as he’s never discussed this with her. Probably the telepathic signals announcing the separation didn’t quite cross intergalactic space from Mars to Venus.

Separated can mean physically separated; note – this just means the man is in a different city or country doing a job while the wife and kids are at home waiting for him. He calls them up every evening and yes while he is ‘technically separated’, don’t be fooled if you’re looking for a long term relationship. He’ll soon be separated from you once he switches jobs to another city.  

“But he loves me!”  You may exclaim. Sure, but still run away; for the Jerry Maguire “You complete me” phrase doesn’t refer to you – but his family across the miles.

Separation can be emotional or mental which usually happens in long term relationships when the couple get bored of each other and start taking each other for granted. This is a phenomenon known as the ‘7 year itch’ but given the way everything is changing so fast, what with Facebook, twitter and the internet, this has now been modified to the ‘7 month itch’ that happens every 7 months ( with a different person).

This is when the man or woman will have a dalliance to spice up their lives. Invariably such an affair, from my friend’s experience, also spices up the hitherto bland marriage. So keep in mind that you’ll be nothing more than a spicy ‘pickle’ that will spice up the sour marriage of curd rice in this separated man’s life.  

The above stages of separation usually happen in the 30’s and 40’s.  The apparently ‘unhappy’ man will claim he is separated but cannot leave his wife because of the kids and will weep copious crocodile tears. Do not let those tears melt your delicate heart – just make sure you’re fully stocked with ample boxes of Kleenex that you can hand to him, before you make your dash away.

By the 50’s the man has now reconciled to his fate and the couple will both live their separate lives coming together for important events in their kid’s lives. He will claim he is physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually separated but will not want to take legal actions because of the implications on his social standing. So while you may have tea with him, remember to share nothing but your Marie biscuits with this poor old man who is dying for your companionship.  Pat him on his bald pate too if that makes him and you feel better - before you make a dash away. Leave the packet of Marie Biscuits for him.

 A separated man is still technically married as my friend pointed out to me recently – when I broached the topic of the latest ‘separated’ stud that is making the moves on me.   While being a mistress probably has its benefits, I don’t think that’s one pickle I want to get into.  I'd much rather prefer taking a bite of the spicy Andra Style Mango pickle that my friend’s mother personally makes for me! :)